Sometimes the seemingly bad decisions we make lead us back to the path we were meant to be on.  The experiences we collect along the way, good and bad, help focus us on what is and is not important. There are no mistakes.  Everything we’ve done past, present and future, is meant to be.  Sometimes it’s hard to remember that in the midst of a conflict, but it’s true. In the grand scheme of things, we are all on this Earth for a minuscule amount of time.  I would like to spend my time here enjoying the company of those I love, and loving those that are my company.  From this moment on, I refuse to spend another moment dwelling on the negative!  Since I’m human, I recognize this is impossible, but I’m willing to give it a genuine try!  From this moment forward, I forgive and I forget.  (I can’t guarantee, though, that my sistah from another mistah feels the same way. )

So, what do people typically do when they’ve realized they have more friends than they can handle?  They start “Face-dumping.”  (I can hear a few gasps–perhaps the term “Face-dump” conjures something dark and seedy? If so, I’d like to see some more status updates from you.)  The person pulls up their friends list and starts evaluating their connection to each person.  It almost makes you want to send a 20 question quiz to each “friend.”  (“I’m stuck at a gas station in Newark, New Jersey.  I need money.  Do you, A.) wire me the cash, B.) hop in the car and drive 12 hours to pick me up, or C.) ignore my plea for help and watch an old rerun of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.“)  Sending a multiple choice test seems a bit cold, but how different is it from posting on your wall, “I’m getting rid of some of my friends–post here if you want to stay connected?”  (No joke, I have friends who’ve done this.)  My question is, what if I had the flu and I didn’t have the strength to log on…you know, because Death was breathing down my neck?  Eh, who am I kidding, Facebook is the preferred form of entertainment for the infirmed.  I’m sure someone, somewhere, has posted a check-in at Death’s door.

Apparently, some people know how to hold a grudge...

If I have to be completely honest, though, I like knowing people.  I just don’t like knowing every single thing they’re doing at this moment.  While I appreciate the sneak peak at your daily routine (you’re taking your dog to get neutered? You don’t say…), there are some things you can keep to yourself.  You wouldn’t want to ruin the mystique. (I suspect some of my friends are opining from the toilet.  Feel free to read into that however you’d like.)

And the check-ins! Oh, the check-ins, the check-ins, the check-ins.  The best thing about check-ins is knowing the places to avoid.  Cindylou just checked in at Chik-fil-a?  Good.  I’m headed to Zaxby’s.  Oh wait–Ethel just checked in there.  I don’t want to see that bitch, or her snot-nosed kids, so I guess I’ll go to Waffle House.  NO ONE will be there.

The best check-ins are the ones from out of town.  People love to check in at the beach–which feels braggy, to me.  Especially when the check in precedes twenty photos of Auntie Sandy having fun–while giving the ol’ one finger salute.  Sure, I’ve shared photos of vacation fun–in real time.  It eliminates the need of having to talk about your vacation when you get back.  Whenever you get those, “how was your vacation” questions, just direct them to the photo of you bleeding profusely from a shark bite.  Status update: “Shark took my leg.  Otherwise, we’re having a great time in the Keys. Wish you were here.”

Even worse than the check-ins, though, are the heart-felt, “My Life is Perfect” status updates.  Yes–that’s what I want to read right after I wrestle one of my kids into the shower because she thought it was a great idea to cover herself from head to toe in permenant marker.  Well, your inspiring post lifted my spirits!  I’ve decided not to drown the kid, after all.

And speaking of kids, I have three of them.  And, sometimes I take pictures of them.  I can safely say, though, I have looked at more photos of your one child than all three of mine combined.  And I’m counting pictures from all ten years of motherhood.  Since you think it’s a good idea to photograph every single normal and not at all interesting thing your child does, I’m going to start posting ten pictures a day of my cat sleeping.  Because sometimes he curls his arms like he’s hugging himself. And, sometimes he sleeps with his legs sprawled out behind him.  And sometimes he sleeps in a basket, and sometimes curled up in front of the fireplace.

I'm ready for my close up, daw-ling.

But all griping aside, 113 friends really isn’t a lot.  I’m clearly not as popular as some of my friends (and yet, more popular than others…).  Still, having that many voices in my head can NOT be a good thing.

So, here I am still glancing down at my friends list, trying to figure out who to keep and who to dump.  I can’t bring myself to discard even the most annoying people in my news feed.  (I know the truth hurts, but some of you bug me.) Deep down, I just don’t have it in me to make such a decision.  Instead, I think it might be easier to shut the computer off for a while.  Go take a walk, or something.  Check-in at Target, or Trader Joes, or maybe McDonalds.

(Or maybe write a blog post just snotty enough to piss off the majority of my friends who, in turn, decide they’ve had enough of me.  Yeah, I think I’ll do that. In other news, look for my next post on rejection, and how not to take it personally when 113 people suddenly “unfriend” you.)

It was a chilly afternoon in my small corner of Georgia.  A storm had passed through (Tropical Storm Lee–what a joke), and the air was damp and crisp, as if Autumn had come early.  It was here, in his home, that I cozied up with one who many have come to know as the little dog that could…yap a lot.  Radar, graciously accepting my invitation for an interview, trotted into the living room like he owned it.  He looked relaxed in his favorite Harley Davidson spike-studded leather collar.  He hopped into my lap and I instantly felt at ease.  That’s what he does–puts people at ease.  After accepting a treat, he decided to open up on his past, his leather fetish, and life with the Donaghy family.

Christina:  So, Radar…You’ve become quite the attention-getter in the Donaghy household.  To what do you attribute this success? 

Radar:  [Sniffs my face] Eh, I’m a real people-person–er, I mean “dog.”    I likes to hang out.  I play.  Sometimes I entertain the kids with a bit of tail chasing.  I mean, c’mon!  Who doesn’t love a good tail-chasin’?

C: Yes.  The tail chasing.  I hear that’s a sign of internal distress.  Is there something…bothering you?

"Ugh, do we have to talk about that?"

R:  [There's a long uncomfortable silence]  My mother.  I never got to know her.  Every boy needs his ma, you know? I like to imagine she was a grand Saint Bernard–

C:  –but you’re a Miniature Pinscher–

R:  That’s unconfirmed. Obviously, someone was a Min Pin in my family–but that doesn’t define me.  I have the heart of a Saint Bernard…somewhere deep down, I think.

C:  Maybe…Still, you look very much like a Miniature Pinscher…I actually don’t see any Saint Bernard in you at all..

R: [shrugs] Well, you’re entitled to your opinion, I guess.

C: How about these rumors I’ve been hearing. 

R:  What rumors?  D’you mean the collar thing?

C:  Well…you’re wearing a leather studded Harley Davidson collar, and yet you don’t ride…

R:  Completely ridiculous.  I’m neutered.  Frankly, I’m embarrassed for you for bringing it up.

C:  My apologies.  You know, “inquiring minds want to know.” 

R:  ‘S okay.  I get it all the time.  I’m a small dog.  It’s hard to be taken seriously.  Now, if I were a bull dog with the same collar, no one would even think to ask that question.

C:  How about your…health.  Some of your critics have been saying domestic life has made you “soft.”  That you’ve gotten pudgy in the two months living with the Donaghys.

R:  What can I say?  Life was bad before being adopted, and now it’s good.  I get two full meals a day, plus treats for doing stupid-easy things like rolling over and sitting.  (C’mon! Sitting?  Fuggidabadit! I do that all the time!)  Yeah, I’ve put on a few pounds…doesn’t everybody?  You know, when they find “the one?”

C:  Perhaps…

R:  Besides, I gets my exercise.  These kids–they don’t leave me alone.  I’m always jumping for my toy, or chasing that fat ass–oops, can I say “ass?”

C: It’s okay.

R: Oh, good.  Where was I–oh, yeah–I like to chase that fat-assed cat.

C: Speaking of cats, only one of the two cats in the house have warmed up to you.  You and Loki seem to be getting along fine, but I’m sensing a lot of friction between you and Lily.

R: Look, I ain’t done nothing to that stupid cat.  Every chance I get, I try to be polite and say “hello,” and what does she do?  Hisses in my face.  The nerve! Dames.  You can’t live with them…period.

C: And, Loki?

R:  Eh, he’s alright.  We’ve come to an understanding, him and I.  If he’s walking around, he’s gonna get chased!  It’s as simple as that.  He knows what we are.  I’m a dog, and he’s a mangy cat.  I chase him, he bats at my ears–it’s all good.

C: Is there anything you have in the works we should know about?

R: Well, there has been this place in the back yard I’ve been sniffin’ at.  Is it squirrel?  Deer?  Rabbit?  I dunno.  It just smells interesting, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.

C:  One last thing.  Who let the dogs out?

R:  [silence]

C:  Well, it’s certainly been a pleasure chatting with you!  Thank you for agreeing to this interview!

R:  Well, thank’s for having me!

Well, this post isn’t about me.  It’s about you. (“You,” as in, “you, the sad, nice person who everyone treats like a doormat.”)

You just lost your job.  You were fired on a technicality because someone above you asked you to do something not quite copacetic, then threw you under the bus when the paperwork hit the fan.  (I know–oddly specific.)  Well, first of all, I’m really sorry you lost your job.  Again.  I love you and I don’t know why everyone else doesn’t love you as much as I do.  You’re just too nice.  That’s your problem…at least, that is what I keep telling you again and again, but it’s not true.  Nice people do get ahead.  Not all “good” people get taken advantage of.  And it’s not just you.  They say a sucker’s born every minute…oh, hey–I didn’t mean you’re  a sucker.  You just…made some mistakes.

First of all, that boss of yours–she asked you to do something she shouldn’t have.  I know you wanted to be a “team player,” and show your supervisor you have what it takes for that promotion you’ve been trying to get forever, but she took advantage of you.  She’s not following the rules–but you do.  You should’ve stood up to her–politely–and told her you know protocol says you need another person present to sign that paper.  (Don’t worry–this would in no way jeopardize your status as Miz Goody-Two-Shoes.)  Yes, Pollyanna would’ve made an enemy here, but at least she’d still have a job!

You see, the problem is not that you’re nice.  When you were passed over for that promotion a few months back even though you were already doing the work, you decided you’d keep doing a great job (which meant continuing to cover the empty position they didn’t give to you) in order to show them you can and you will get that promotion.  Well, you did.  Eventually.  Then got fired a week later.

They didn’t give you the promotion because you were already doing the job.  Showing initiative is great, but doing things not listed in your job description? Not so great.  You gave them time to try to find someone to cover that empty position.  Since you were doing the work, none of your supervisors had to step in and do double duty.  Plus, you weren’t get paid for the extra responsibility!  You gave them time to find a replacement and saved them money–how does that feel on top of your recent dismissal?  And when they didn’t find someone for the job, you were there–waiting.  Willing to overlook the months they ignored your hard work, you accepted the job proudly! After all, you deserved it, right?

Nice Gals finish last when they are nice to everyone but themselves.  You discredited yourself by allowing them to use you.  How can anyone respect you when you don’t respect yourself? I’m not suggesting you should have caused a raucous after getting passed over for the promotion, and I don’t think you should’ve made a stink when they decided they needed a scapegoat, and low girl on the totem pole was it.  I don’t believe in causing a scene, but I also don’t believe in bending over willingly for that kick in the ass.  There are ways to express yourself without crossing any lines.

On a personal note, stop putting everyone before yourself.  I’m not just talking about at your job, but in your personal life.  You ignore your own wants and needs in order to make those around you comfortable and happy.  Stop it.  Yes, thinking of others will get you brownie points with The Big Guy (I’m talking about Santa), but in the long run, you’re just going to make yourself miserable, which, in turn, will make everyone around you miserable.  Stop worrying about others and go take a nap.

I hope you find a new job soon.  You deserve a good job where people respect your hard work and loyalty. When you do get that job, please, please, don’t let them take advantage of you.  Do a good job–but just do the job you were hired for.  Unless you get promoted.

And, please, stop putting yourself last.  I wish you knew how great you are.

Now, I need to go clean something before I get fired.

Here’s a sneak peak:

Soon to be cute and colorful pillows!

Also, some kitchen goodness went on yesterday.  I started a batch of fermented sauerkraut,

The bubbling means it's working!

made several quarts of chicken stock,

Jealous?

and tried out a recipe for paleo crackers.

Look out for an update on the kraut in the days (or weeks) to come.  This is my first attempt at fermenting my own veggies, and I’m very excited!  (C’mon, people–it’s food science!  Is there anything more awesome???)

And also, check back for progress on the  pillows!  They are guaranteed to be adorable.

Personal Responsibility.  Integrity.  Humility.  Why do so many people lack these wonderful traits?  They’ve never let me down (we’re the best of buddies, that trio and me), and yet so many people never defer to them for guidance.  They’d give you the answers–if only you’d ask! An example (and it’s hypothetical):

Me: I got passed over for a promotion, and yet I work really hard. What should I do?

Personal Responsibility: You are doing a good job, but is there any place you can improve?

Me: Well…okay, I guess I do spend a lot of time on Facebook.

Integrity: Well, I’m glad you admitted it.  Now we can try to fix it.

Me: I know.  I’m here to work, but sometimes I get wrapped up in what my friends are doing. It takes a really long time to “like” all the great things my friends post.

Humility: Well, let’s take this as a lesson.  You’re not at your best now, but with a little work, you could be better. You do great work, you just lack focus.

Me: I agree.  I should take this as an opportunity to show how devoted I am to this job.  Who knows? If it doesn’t work out here, at least I tried my best and can take this experience to my next job!

See how that works?  Let’s see the reverse…

Me: I can’t believe I got passed over for another friggin’ promotion when I’ve been here, day in and day out, working my ass off.

The Finger-Pointer:  Um, your manager is a total jerk. I bet he’s holding you back because he’s afraid you’re going to take his job. 

Me: Yeah, doesn’t he have anything better to do than watch me all the time? I’d be more productive if he wasn’t breathing down my neck.

Dishonesty: I know, girl.  And, Facebook??  That’s how you stay “in the know.”

Me: Uh, huh!  How else would I know there was an earthquake Virginia??  Or if it’s hot out? Facebook  is as good as the news! Besides, that little snot, Martha, has been saying some pretty cryptic things on her wall, and I think she’s talking about me.

Self-Absorbed: No way, you’re effing awesome! 

Me: I know! Why doesn’t she like me??

Self-Absorbed: Eh, you don’t need her, OR that crappy job. How’s about you just quit. No, don’t give notice–they don’t deserve it.  They disrespected YOU.  Just leave, then they’ll see just how much you do.  And, who knows?  Maybe your parents will let you move back in with them if worse comes to worse. If not, I hear your friend’s cousin has an empty couch.

Me: Hell’s yeah!

Self-Absorbed: Great!  Let’s go get a beer!

Me: You drink?

Self-Absorbed: Are you buying?

Now, I’m not going to lie.  I haven’t always taken (and sometimes still don’t take) the high-road.  I try very hard to, though! I wish I could say the same for…well…the general public. It’s a “save yourself” kind of world we live in.  You see it on TV, you read it in the newspaper, and you experience it in real life.  Everyone is worried about “what’s in it for me,”  “how will it affect me,” or “how can I pass the buck.”  Instead of owning up to one’s mistakes and learning from both positive and negative experiences, we bury our heads in the sand, or worse, go with denial and/or flat out lies. (I’ve been watching a lot of reality TV–a great place to learn how not to be a good person.)

You see it in politics, and you see it in major corporations. You see it in schools, and you see it among friends.  Instead of owning up, saying sorry, and admitting responsibility, people point the finger, cry injustice, and deny any wrongdoing.  You screwed up, admit it. You don’t have the answer, find it.  You don’t agree with the status quo, oppose it. You need to make a tough decision (but don’t want to be the bad guy), deal with it.  And when someone extends you an olive branch, accept it, then get over it!  Life is not about being right, it’s about doing the right thing.  See beyond yourself.  In the grand scale of things, you are nothing more than a particle of dust floating into the ether, and you are significantly overestimating your importance.  (Unless, of course, you’re someone famous…or have a ton of friends on Facebook.)

In summary: Those who do not wish to take the high road should just stay home. (And those who take the high road and brag about it, probably took a wrong turn.)

Rant over…Phew!

Thanks for the inspiration, Lynda and Lisa!  

Okay, so sitting and reading all day isn’t working out like I planned.  Instead, I spent two hours holding my bladder as the DishTV tech moved my satellite dish (he was in and out of the house and not knocking…plus Sean and Maggie were roaming ’round the house, and Radar was yapping every time the guy came within three feet of the door…who could pee in that chaos?), then I spent some time making date and nut bars.  Then I decided to concoct my own.  Then it was time for Aaron’s bus to arrive.  Then the internet started messing up. You know.  Life stuff…

I did manage to get some reading done, and fully intend to pick the book back up once I’m done on the computer. In the meantime, here’s a quick recipe for Pina Colada imitation Larabars.  Enjoy!

Sadly, no alcohol was used in the making of this dessert...

Pina Colada Bars

1 c pitted dates

1 c dried unsweetened pineapple

1 c cashews

1 c dried shredded unsweetened coconut

Pinch of salt

Juice of half a lime

1. Toss all ingredients into a food processor and mix until crumbly and knead-able. (Mine are a little chunky–I’m sure you could blend it into oblivion.)

2. Line a 9×9 pan with cling wrap or parchment.  Press mixture into pan, making sure it’s evenly distributed and compact.

3. Chill for a few hours before turning out and cutting into bars.  (If your impatient, like me, pop it in the freezer and enjoy your treat faster!)

Mmmm…tropical…

Luckily–for book club, not me–Sean is not feeling well and had to stay home from school (yes, sick already and it’s only the 4th day). Since I’m home-bound, my schedule has suddenly been freed up for some reading time! And–thank God–Sean seems to be feeling better than he did yesterday evening.

So, in summary: reading, not crafting…Sean is sick…but feeling better.

Step 1: Gather your supplies.

You’ll need:

1 Square of craft felt

3 6″x6″ pieces of coordinating fabric (scraps are good)

Coordinating (or contrasting) thread

Embroidery floss

Approximately 1 yd ribbon

Scissors

Pinking shears (optional)

Embroider needle

Sewing needle (if hand sewing)

Paper

Sharp marker and/or water soluble pencil

Step 2:

Draw your hearts on a piece of paper or cardboard first.  The felt heart was drawn to be about 3″ long and 3.5″ wide.  The smaller heart was drawn 2.5″ x 3″.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.  After drawing the hearts, cut them out and fold in half.  This will help make the hearts more even.  Trim around until both sides are symmetric.  Unfold and place small heart on large and make sure it’s visually pleasing!  (Again, it doesn’t have to be perfect!)

Step 3:

Using larger template and a sharp tipped marker, trace hearts onto your felt.  Make six.  After you’re done tracing, using pinking shears (or regular scissors), cut out each heart.  If using pinking shears, cut so that the zig zag of the blade is just outside of the line, using the line as a guide. (Pictured.) If using regular scissors, just cut along the line. The side of the felt heart with your template markings will now be considered the “wrong” side.

Step 4:

Using a water soluble pencil, trace the smaller heart on your fabric scraps.  Make two per print. Cut out hearts.

Step 5:

Pin the wrongs side of one small heart to the right side (unmarked side) of a large heart, making sure to center it.  Using either a sewing machine, or hand sewing, sew a running stitch1/8th of an inch around the perimeter of the smaller heart. Repeat this step for the remaining five pairs of hearts.

Step 6:

If you intend to embroider the hearts, you can free-hand on the prints, or use a water soluble pencil to add your own designs.  For the top and bottom heart, I used the fabric design as a guide for my embroidery.  On the middle heart, I wrote a letter “M” (for Maggie) and did a simple running stitch.  For instructions on embroidering, click here.  The wall hanging is made my sandwiching two of the felt/fabric hearts together, so I only embroidered three of the six hearts–the ones that would be facing forward when hanging on the wall.

Step 7:

Pull out your ribbon and fold in half.  Allow yourself an inch loop at the top for hanging, and pin a front and back heart, wrong sides together, with the ribbon centered vertically in between.  Pin in place. I hand-sewed each heart “sandwich,” but you can machine sew, if you choose.  I used a buttonhole stitch for the top and bottom heart, and a running stitch for the center heart.  If the top and bottom heart look different, it’s because the buttonhole stitch was pulled to the back for the top, and to the front for the bottom.

Step 8:

Tie the loose ribbon at the bottom into a bow–or don’t!  Just let the tails hang!

Questions and feedback are welcome–just comment below!

Speaking of tutorials, while I’ve been neglecting my blog, it’s still seen a bit (albeit, a small bit) of traffic.  What brings people to the blog?  The Mario Bros toss pillow I never finished.  Well, since there seems to be a demand for Mario bedding, and my blog comes up when searching for Mario bedding, I’m totally going to take advantage the situation!  After I’m done with my current project, I’m off to work on some Mario stuff and practice my pattern making skills! (Of which, I have…some.)

In completely unrelated news, the boy’s go back to school tomorrow, and I’m not going to lie…I’m thrilled!  I’ll be the one popping the bubbly at the bus stop tomorrow morning.  I kid, I kid! Actually, I’m celebrating with my FM friends at my favorite donut place, Dutch Monkey.  If you’re not one of us, but you frequent the spot, I suggest staying away tomorrow between 9a and 11a.  Unless you enjoy eating while standing.  And loud toddlers/preschoolers.

Mmmmm….donuts….