By no means am I Miz Nice Gal. I’m way too frowny for that title. I’m nice (sometimes), but as an identifier, people don’t generally describe me as “Christina–you know, that really nice girl.” Why? I’m not sure. I’m not particularly mean. Mean people tend to do mean things, and, unless anyone objects, I’d say I’m pretty saintly. (Oh gosh! Am I one of those delusional people who thinks she’s sane, when in reality, she’s stark-raving mad??) I’m honest. And when I’m faced with a situation in which I’m sure I won’t have anything nice to say, I avoid the situation. So, I’m not confrontational–most of the time–and I rarely gossip. So what gives? Is it the frowny face?
Well, this post isn’t about me. It’s about you. (“You,” as in, “you, the sad, nice person who everyone treats like a doormat.”)
You just lost your job. You were fired on a technicality because someone above you asked you to do something not quite copacetic, then threw you under the bus when the paperwork hit the fan. (I know–oddly specific.) Well, first of all, I’m really sorry you lost your job. Again. I love you and I don’t know why everyone else doesn’t love you as much as I do. You’re just too nice. That’s your problem…at least, that is what I keep telling you again and again, but it’s not true. Nice people do get ahead. Not all “good” people get taken advantage of. And it’s not just you. They say a sucker’s born every minute…oh, hey–I didn’t mean you’re a sucker. You just…made some mistakes.
First of all, that boss of yours–she asked you to do something she shouldn’t have. I know you wanted to be a “team player,” and show your supervisor you have what it takes for that promotion you’ve been trying to get forever, but she took advantage of you. She’s not following the rules–but you do. You should’ve stood up to her–politely–and told her you know protocol says you need another person present to sign that paper. (Don’t worry–this would in no way jeopardize your status as Miz Goody-Two-Shoes.) Yes, Pollyanna would’ve made an enemy here, but at least she’d still have a job!
You see, the problem is not that you’re nice. When you were passed over for that promotion a few months back even though you were already doing the work, you decided you’d keep doing a great job (which meant continuing to cover the empty position they didn’t give to you) in order to show them you can and you will get that promotion. Well, you did. Eventually. Then got fired a week later.
They didn’t give you the promotion because you were already doing the job. Showing initiative is great, but doing things not listed in your job description? Not so great. You gave them time to try to find someone to cover that empty position. Since you were doing the work, none of your supervisors had to step in and do double duty. Plus, you weren’t get paid for the extra responsibility! You gave them time to find a replacement and saved them money–how does that feel on top of your recent dismissal? And when they didn’t find someone for the job, you were there–waiting. Willing to overlook the months they ignored your hard work, you accepted the job proudly! After all, you deserved it, right?
Nice Gals finish last when they are nice to everyone but themselves. You discredited yourself by allowing them to use you. How can anyone respect you when you don’t respect yourself? I’m not suggesting you should have caused a raucous after getting passed over for the promotion, and I don’t think you should’ve made a stink when they decided they needed a scapegoat, and low girl on the totem pole was it. I don’t believe in causing a scene, but I also don’t believe in bending over willingly for that kick in the ass. There are ways to express yourself without crossing any lines.
On a personal note, stop putting everyone before yourself. I’m not just talking about at your job, but in your personal life. You ignore your own wants and needs in order to make those around you comfortable and happy. Stop it. Yes, thinking of others will get you brownie points with The Big Guy (I’m talking about Santa), but in the long run, you’re just going to make yourself miserable, which, in turn, will make everyone around you miserable. Stop worrying about others and go take a nap.
I hope you find a new job soon. You deserve a good job where people respect your hard work and loyalty. When you do get that job, please, please, don’t let them take advantage of you. Do a good job–but just do the job you were hired for. Unless you get promoted.
And, please, stop putting yourself last. I wish you knew how great you are.
Now, I need to go clean something before I get fired.
